I can tell from a mile away when a student hasn’t practised.
They walk through the door with dodgy eyes. Their usual confidence is not there. Some try to engage me in games or chats to avoid playing. Now, there is important value in chatting to one’s student, as I need to gauge where their emotional levels are, so that I can responsively create the lesson around their capacities. (That is one of the powerful advantages of 1:1 lessons.)
But if a student hasn’t practised, they make small-talk. They don’t share important events of the day or week with me (revealing their state of mind); they chit-chat. Or they play around. Or some of the younger ones point-blank refuse to pick up their violin.
Now. I have persuaded a lot of children into playing anyway. I have worked around a lot of attitude in lessons. But it is not ideal, and in fact sometimes it fails, when a particularly stubborn little one simply refuses.
Parents. You need to realize that if you don’t call your child to practise each and every day, even if it’s only for 1 minute at the start (a strategy I’ll share in a second), you are 1) wasting your money letting them take violin; and 2) ruining their self-image about what they can and can’t achieve.
Does that sound harsh? I’m sorry. I’ve been there myself as a mother, and it’s not a violin question; it’s a parenting question.
They tell you “I don’t wanna” when you tell them to practise? Do they do the same with brushing their teeth, doing their math homework, going to the potty rather than hanging onto nappies, eating their food before demanding sweets, bedtime… and so on? Is this a battle of wills between a wilful child and a pushover parent?
Or do you let them get away with it exclusively with the violin? And why? You are undermining your own parenting power! Children do respond to “because I say so”. They respond perhaps with “it’s not fair”; but later in life, when their boss tells them to do something that they don’t want to do, they are once again faced with a choice, and if they have always been allowed to get out of unpleasant tasks, well… you know how that goes.
But if one looks more closely, often the practising question is not about pushover parenting. It’s about the parent being in overwhelm, having too much on their plate. Juggling job, family, kids, school, cooking dinner, patrolling homework… and so violin practice becomes one more item that can slip attention. The reason it is forgotten, is because it’s not of high priority on the parent’s list. Believe me, on the child’s list there are only two items: Homework and violin practice. She knows she can’t dodge out of homework (because there is a whole heavy school system backing up the parent even if Mom forgets to check). But violin? That’s only neeeext Monday. We don’t worry yet, today. We’ll rather put up with the little niggle of bad conscience. It’s not a big niggle.
And so, violin lessons get transformed from treats into ordeals.
What a loss!
Three Number One Tricks to get your child to practise
First of all, as a parent, be aware that once the child is practising, the resistance phase lasts only between 30 seconds and 2 minutes. After that there is acceptance and getting on with the job, and hopefully, good focus.
So here’s what you can do to facilitate this process and get rid of resistance altogether.
1. Set an alarm.
You have a smart phone? Yes? Good. Program an alarm. If possible, it should go off at the same time every day; otherwise, customize it by the day.
The alarm is not for your child. It is for you. This is the point in time where you interrupt whatever you are busy with and take a minute to inform your child that it’s practising time; open the violin case; put the violin together (shoulder rest, tuning etc) while your child tightens the bow hair and puts the rosin on the bow; open the music stand, put the books on it and open them; hand your child the violin, point to the first song he is supposed to play, and say “start there”.
Depending on how independent your child is, you can now return to what you were doing (cooking, or clearing up, or whatever), but keep your ear on the music. (Don’t do office work at this point. You’ll forget that he’s practising and he’ll cotton on and pack away after 1 song.) Of course, if you are a Suzuki parent, you need to sit down on the couch and give your child’s practice session your full attention.
The longer your child plays, the more he’ll start setting these things up himself, and all you need to do is remind him that it’s time (this even applies to teenagers) and then check that he follows through.
2. The one-minute “mile”
This is for highly resistant, defiant children who have the attitude “which part of ‘no’ doesn’t Mommy understand?”
Set a timer for 1 minute. Yes: Sixty seconds. That’s all.
Give your child the violin, and tell them to hold it for 1 minute. The first day, she’ll be confused, and hold onto the violin, looking at you funny, waiting for the next instruction.
Don’t give another instruction. Just wait with her, silently, patiently, until the 60 seconds are over and the timer beeps. Then tell her she can put the violin away.
The next day, make her take the violin on her shoulder and hold it there for 1 minute. After that, she can pack it away.
The day after, ask her to play soft, long bows and focus only on the sound – for 1 minute. Gently stop her if she wants to make ugly noises, and tell her to keep making pretty sounds. The minute will be over before she gets bored.
The next day, once again help her set up, and once she has the violin, tell her she can play whatever she likes, as long as it sounds pretty. Then hang tight. A minute is short. Only interrupt her when she starts deliberately making ugly noises in defiance. This is not about violin. It’s about getting past her feelings of defiance.
The next day, set the timer for two minutes. Tell her to start with pretty bows again and when she feels like it, to start playing whatever tune she wants. The other rules remain in place.
From there on, day after day, you add one minute every day. Soon (2 weeks later) she’ll be playing for 15 minutes. By then, out of boredom and self-defence, she’ll be playing a variety of tunes or scales, and sooner or later she’ll play whatever the teacher has told her to.
3. Reward your child’s effort.
Sticker-charts are a miracle of the modern age. Every successful practice receives one sticker. If there are six stickers at the end of the week (we count a “week” as seven days, not five), your child gets a prize that was picked at the beginning of the week. Keep the prizes small, but fun. (E.g. a prize could be that on Friday evening we have pancakes.) Why small? Because if you are giving huge rewards for tiny practising sessions, it just breeds the wrong attitude. Eventually your child should learn to feel that progress on the violin is a fitting reward for practising. You see: Music is the reward.
For teenagers, if you have a firm grip on their electronic lifestyle, time on the cellphone / tablet / PC could be a reward for practising. Of course, if your child plays games online non-stop and you have to pry him away from the PC to get him to practise, that doesn’t bode well. It’s the wrong way round. First the healthy meal; then the ice-cream.
But if your child is addicted to electronic media, that is an entirely different discussion. Two words: Get help.
And what if your child doesn’t like music whatsoever?
Let me ask back: Should she, in that case, be learning violin? Book her into ice skating instead!
Violin Tricks 
Guilty as charged. I need to apply for a parole.
Hi Col 🙂 thanks for checking in!